It's Been A While

I haven't written anything in a while, not sure why. Maybe I lost interest. Maybe I didn't like what I would have written. None-the-less, I need this in my life again. I need the honesty that comes with putting yourself out there for all to see.

1. "The Loss of a Life" I lost one of my beloved dogs, Titan, July 10 of this year. He was 14 years old. We put him down after he was diagnosed with lymphoma. He lived two weeks after the diagnosis. As I drove to my parent's house that day, I can't recall exactly how I felt, b/c I was having this weird out of body experience. I think I had to, in order to deal with the fact that I was about to experience the death of something/one, so very close to my heart. He was my first rescue, back in 2001, he was 5. So to me, he was something like a child. He enriched our lives, as we gave him his... But that day, we had to take his away. Six hours after arriving, he was quickly dying. As the vet arrived to put him down, we all sat around him and cried. Sometimes I believe that those of us who die young in life, too early to have done any wrong, come back as those faithful, beautiful animals who  enrich our lives so much. As we said goodbye to Titan, I looked around me at the amazing family I have...and I realized that I am one lucky girl. I am in awe of the life I have had, and the people around me who have have shared in it with me.

2. "When Relationships End." I started writing in my journal again towards the end of my last relationship. (I've had one for about 12 years.) It has been so therapeutic to be honest with myself. Mostly, I have never gone through anything so painful, confusing, heartbreaking, and overall...just sad. What I realized more importantly, is that I am thankful everyday that I met someone who opened my heart again. I have moved into the next stage of my life..one where my heart is finally open and strong. (But, I miss my friend, my favorite cooking buddy...God, I really do.) Like I always joke, but am actually very serious, it's the little things that give a real positive dimension to our lives. And it's those little things we miss the most when they are gone.

3."The Loss of Esteem" The other amazingly crazy situation was losing my job. Getting laid off last year was one of the oddest experiences I have ever had. Having never lost a job in any way, it threw me into a spiral that I never could see coming. It was such a slow downward turn, because at first it was nice to spend more time on my passion, photography....But, I woke up one day feeling the floor. The bottom. I looked up and my life seemed so very far away.

But what I know, is that with downturns come inevitably upswings. Always.

One thing, one ability I have always had is to take experiences and allow them to mold me into who I want to be...I am continuing on that path, sometimes overwhelmed with emotion, but with the power of certainty that I have always felt deep within.

I continue to do the best I can to be a positive force in this world, and until the day that I stop being that kind of person, I will never regret anything in my life. I find inspiration in the little things, in people who smile at me on the street, in a beautiful photograph, in the comfort of a true friend, and the belief that LOVE is all around me.

I believe, each of us has a path we are meant to follow. I continue to look for the signs that lead me.  With each step I take, I simply believe this is where I belong. I welcome what will happen next with an open mind, open heart, and a new found strength that was not here before.